Studio stress

I have noticed that there have been multiple blog posts and breakdowns over the past couple of weeks from various members of the studio experiencing some feeling of personal failure in one thing or another. I just want to give you all something to think about while you are feeling the stresses of college bearing down.

You will fail at some point in your life. It is an inevitable fact of life. The most important thing about failing some personal goal is to know why you should get back on the horse. Most of you know that I took last winter semester off from school, though many of you probably don't know why. Here it is: I got burned out, every year, for about 3 years in a row. I did very well during my first 2 years of college, with the only possible exception being that I decided I didn't want to get an education degree (which I am starting to think was a mistake). Over the course of years 4 and 5, I gradually slumped until I reached a point where I only practiced a couple of times a week. For some reason, I decided that I wanted to do a recital, but as a composition major (at the time), it wasn't required, so I didn't take it for credit. I picked somewhat difficult literature for it, but nothing that was terribly out of my range. It would have required a bit of work to do. I ended up having to scrap a whole piece and a movement from the recital because I simply had not put in enough time working on them. Thankfully, I was sharing the recital with someone, so it was still substantial in length. To this day, I kick myself for not working harder on that recital. The next semester, I flat out quit practicing because I was not required to take lessons (I had reached the minimum requirement). I guess you could say that I just let myself go when it came to school. Eventually, I just decided that I didn't see the point in paying for college when I wasn't succeeding anymore, so I took some time off. It was exactly what I needed: a swift kick in the pants realization that I couldn't live without music. I also realized that I had limits: I couldn't (and didn't need to) participate in every ensemble (at one point or another, I have been in marching band, wind ensemble, symphonic band, brass ensemble, brass quintet, jazz ensemble, choir, madrigals, church choir, and bell choir). So my question to those of you who are doubting yourselves is this: what would you do if not music? I could not imagine many of those whom I have seen stressing out lately doing anything else. Spending spring semester of 2009 working full time made me realize that I cannot live without music and playing tuba. I hope that none of you have to go to the lengths that I did to figure that out.

I guess the main thing that I want to say is this: we all fail, at some point or another. Use your failures as lessons, learn from them, and you will grow stronger.

2am second thoughts

I'm up doing some research into a list of 11 schools (below) that I was considering applying to for graduate study in tuba performance. It seems that several of the schools have audition deadlines that fall before midterm break, which is when I had kind of planned to try making some visits. Others seem to have really high bars set for entrance. After a not-so-great practice session, I am really starting to have some doubts about whether or not I should try out for some or even any of these schools. My grades have not been the best, so it doesn't seem likely that I would earn an assistanceship, and there's no way I could afford any of these schools without one.

Practice tonight was only somewhat productive. It is amazing how much more comfortable steel mouthpieces are than plain old silverplated. I didn't notice that I hadn't been getting the red ring around my lips from playing for the past month until I got it again tonight. Oh well, at least I can play without hyperventilating now. Some of the VW concerto got better, but that's about it. I wish the building were open for at least another hour...